


ex-superhero almost becomes ex-cop

by TheImpalaClub



Series: Superhuman Detective Skills [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Attempt at Humor, Crime Fighting, Detectives, Friendship, In Character, Jake just wants to help people, Peter Parker is Bisexual, Rosa Diaz is a Good Bro, Secrets, Superpowers, everyone hates the avengers, i binged three seasons of b99 in a week and i need to get this off my chest, not relevant but thought i'd throw that in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 17:30:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15296496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheImpalaClub/pseuds/TheImpalaClub
Summary: Okay, Captain, how’d you like to have a detective with super-senses that tell you exactly when someone’s about to commit a crime, for the low low price of not telling anyone that he’s done a ton of property damage and his career is based on a lie?Peralta isn't even his real last name. It's Parker. Jacob Peter Parker.





	ex-superhero almost becomes ex-cop

**Author's Note:**

> Jake Peralta and Peter Parker have the same personality. Given this, and several other factors, I propose that Peralta is in fact spiderman seeking a life outside his superhero persona that still allows him to keep helping people. In this essay I will  
> (details of the AU are in the series description and I hope u enjoy uwu)

Okay, so maybe scaling a building in front of his fellow detective wasn’t the best idea Jake had ever had in his life. Like, it definitely wasn’t the worst, because the look on the guy’s face when he burst onto the roof only to be met with an NYPD badge was great. But it was far up there on the list of stupid stuff he’d done. Now, he was going to have to walk back out onto that sidewalk, where Rosa was definitely going to drag him back to the interrogation room and make him tell her everything. And that wasn’t going to be good for anyone.  
Because here’s the thing: Jake was Spiderman.  
Or, he had been. Back in high school, when he still went by his middle name and let Gina drag him on a tour of Oscorp so she could flirt with the tour guide and thought that saving the world was the perfect job for a sixteen-year-old. Then he kept almost dying. Also, people stopped having a lot of faith in superheroes, after they kept not doing their one job of saving the world. Understandable. So after a few years, he’d shoved his suit in a box in the back of his closet and joined the ranks of a different problematic form of law enforcement: the NYPD. Under a fake name, since his identity had been leaked to more than a few supervillains. Peralta wasn’t that different from Parker anyway.  
He’d barely been keeping his vigilante past a secret since he joined the 99. His injuries always healed too fast and he sucked at faking them. He could hear perps five blocks away and it took everything in him to pretend it was a hunch instead of screaming “I HAVE SUPERPOWERS.” And during chases up flight after flight of stairs, it was tempting to just climb the wall. But he’d held it together. Until now, when he’d kicked off his shoes and started up the side of the apartment complex, not giving it a second thought until he was halfway through telling the new convict his rights.  
Rosa didn’t say anything the entire drive back to the precinct. Which was terrifying. He felt like he was watching the water race away from the shore right before a big-ass tsunami. A tsunami of questioning and possibly torture if Jake didn’t come up with a believable excuse in the next ten minutes. The truth was out of the question. For one thing, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t believe him, just based on his inability to keep important secrets. For another, he was scared it was going to change everything. His friends were going to end up treating him differently, whether or not they meant to. And technically his entire career could end, since his identity was fake, and he could probably still get arrested for all the laws he’d broken as Spiderman. Apparently, being a superhero involved doing a lot of super illegal stuff. That’s what he’d learned at the Academy. So, he needed a good lie. And fast.  
As they pulled into the precinct, Jake realized that there was no such thing as a good lie for the reason he could scale an apartment building in less than thirty seconds.  
Just like he’d predicted, Rosa pulled him into the interrogation room as soon as their guy was locked up. She didn’t even say anything (more silence was just more scary), just stood there and narrowed her eyes at him.  
“I’ve been taking rock climbing classes. The instructor said I was really good. And I wanted to show off my skills, because I…” he looked desperately around the room for a way to finish his sentence. Nothing. “I am in love with you. Yep.” He slammed his heel into the leg of his chair. Perfect. That was the perfect lie, she wouldn’t suspect anything!  
“You’re not in love with me,” Rosa deadpanned.  
“God, no. Just the rock climbing part. Is true. That part is true.”  
“No it’s not.”  
Jake tapped his fingers against the table. He knew he wasn’t leaving this room until he told the truth. Somehow, this felt even worse than when he’d actually had a secret identity. Even in high school he hadn’t had to tell his friends; they’d all figured it out for themselves or caught him with his mask off. Now it was like he was about to tell Rosa he’d been a stripper in college. A life-saving stripper with super strength. That sounded cool. Maybe he should have done that instead of joining the Avengers.  
“Peralta,” Rosa prompted.  
Jake winced at the fake name. He was really about to lose his job, wasn’t he? But, it was better to rip the band-aid off. Or that’s what he thought; he hadn’t used band-aids since he got superhuman healing powers. “I was Spiderman.”  
Rosa raised an eyebrow. Not a good sign.  
“No, really. I was. But after Sokovia and shit, I don’t know, people stopped wanting that kind of help. Also, the things you have to fight are scary as hell. Did you ever see Thanos? Really not a fan. So I stopped.”  
“And became a cop.”  
“Yeah. Because, basically a superhero, only you get a longer life expectancy. And a cool windbreaker.” He shrugged, like that was going to make his Giant Secret seem like less of a life-ending deal. Clearly it didn’t, though, because Rosa was glaring at him. Angry glare, not really-hyped-her-partner-is-an-ex-Avenger glare.  
“You could get in trouble, you know. For the vigilante stuff. And the property damage. Didn’t you smash a building once?”  
“That was mostly my girlfriend’s dad’s fault.” Jake sighed. “I know. I guess I should probably tell Holt.”  
“You might not get fired,” Rosa offered.  
He stood up and pushed his chair in. “Peralta isn’t my real last name. It’s Parker.”  
“Oh. You don’t… have to tell him, as long as you don’t scale any buildings in front of him. I won’t.”  
“Wait, really? You won’t?”  
“Of course not, idiot. I’m keeping the video of you climbing up those apartments, but only because you look ridiculous.”  
Jake stared at the door. He had to admit, it felt good to finally have someone else know. Even if that other person could definitely kill him faster than any of the villains he used to fight. And the fact that she wasn’t going to tell Holt gave him a lot more options than he thought he would have. There was always the chance that someone else had taken a video on the street, and it would somehow find its way to the NYPD, but that was at the bottom of his list of things to worry about in the next five seconds. He kind of wanted to tell everyone, finally get it out of the way, finally start using his superpowers for detective stuff, but that wasn’t going to work unless he told everyone except Amy and Holt. But Amy and Holt were the first two people he wanted to tell.  
“I’m gonna get fired,” he whispered. “Possibly arrested.”  
“Your call, Per- Jake.”  
Two minutes later, Jacob Peter Parker was standing on a chair in the middle of the precinct, his gun and badge already on his desk ready to be turned in, just in case his amazing argument for staying didn’t work.  
“Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m Spiderman. Used to be Spiderman. Now I’m a cop.”  
“I always knew you were superhuman,” Boyle called from his desk.  
“Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I know that a lot of the stuff I did was not the most legal-”  
“You blew up so much stuff,” Amy said.  
“- thank you for that, and also I’ve been policing under a fake name for the past, uh, long time, so I’m pretty sure this means I’m about to get fired. But now you all know. I’m getting off this chair now.”  
“I’d just like to say,” Gina shouted from her desk, “that I designed the costume. I invented the red-blue color combo. Keep that in mind.”  
“Didn’t Captain America have that first?” Amy asked.  
“Yeah, but I wore it better.”  
Suddenly, an office door swung open. Holt walked out, and the room fell silent. Jake walked until they faced each other old-western style. Just the way he wanted to go out. “Okay, Captain, how’d you like to have a detective with super-senses that tell you exactly when someone’s about to commit a crime, for the low low price of not telling anyone that he’s done a ton of property damage and his career is based on a lie?” He plastered a smile on his face and got ready for the ‘no.’  
Holt just stared at him.  
“He’s Spiderman!” Boyle added.  
“Come into my office.”  
Jake grimaced and followed him through the door. “You could’ve fired me out there, sir. It would actually be the least embarrassing thing that’s happened-”  
“Why did you become a cop?”  
“What?”  
Holt sat at his desk. “You heard me.”  
Jake fumbled for words. “Because, uh, it was the best way to help people.”  
“Better than the Avengers?” Jake nodded. “How so?”  
Finally, he actually knew what to say. He gave Holt the same answer he’d given Gina when she’d asked why he’d joined the force: “They save the world. Cops save people. You don’t do door duty, or talk to victims, or anything, because there’s this one thing, and it’s gonna destroy the entire planet if you don’t drop everything to stop it. And I wanted to help people.”  
“Hm.” The captain leaned back in his chair.  
“I’ll go down and turn in my badge-”  
“I’m not firing you.”  
“I’m sorry what?” Jake broke into a confused grin.  
Holt nodded slowly. “You’re right about having skills that are… useful for the job. And far be it from me to stop you from helping people, especially if it’s between an organized police force or blowing up New York City once a year.”  
“Yeah, that’s never fun.”  
“I won’t tell any of my superiors on one condition.”  
“Anything, yeah.”  
Holt had the closest thing to a smile Jake had ever seen on his face. “You wear your suit on Halloween.”  
“It doesn’t fit anym- yeah, okay, I’ll make it work. Can I use my web shooters on the job?”  
“Don’t push it.”  
“Understandable.”


End file.
